Is it really 2020 already?! As I think back on 2019 the first thing that comes to mind is, how can it be over already? Was it because 2018 was such a shock to the system with a MS diagnosis followed by the birth of our second child? They always say that time flies when you are having fun so that could have played a part. Or it could be all of the above so humor me as we take a look back at 2019, the cherries, the pits, and everything in between.
The biggest and probably most impactful thing of 2019 was something that actually didn't happen. I successfully went through 2019 with zero relapses and zero disease progression. Crazy! From the summer of 2014 until April of 2018 I had close to ten different symptoms from an MS relapse. That is an average of over 2 relapses a year from 2014 to 2018 so the fact that I went all of 2019 without a relapse is absolutely incredible! As crazy as this sounds, it is the first year I have been married to my wife where I didn't have a relapse at some point in that year. We are coming up on our 6 year anniversary so that is mind blowing to me. Going without a relapse was really beneficial in a few different ways. You have the obvious fact that I had no new symptoms or evidence of disease progression which is always beneficial for a persons body. But being relapse free has allowed me and my family to breathe a little bit. We have been able to continue processing the diagnosis, learn more about the disease and how it impacts the body, and have been able to get connected to a wonderful community of like people. I am not sure how easy that would have been had we been battling a relapse with drugs and rehabilitation to recover so we have been incredibly thankful to have had some time to breathe and better prepare ourselves for the journey ahead.
You can't have a cherry without the pit so of course there is a pit that follows the last paragraph but luckily it is a fairly small pit. One of the things that has helped me deal with this diagnosis is my ability to compartmentalize thoughts and feelings. I don't mean shoving the obvious under the rug and avoiding it but rather not allowing my brain to go down dangerous paths. I am usually faced with a problem, such as being diagnosed with MS, and instantly change my focus from "how could this have happened", to "what do I need to do to get over this obstacle." But no one is perfect, including me, so I would be lying if I didn't say that I spent a lot of time going through 2019 wondering when the next attack was going to happen. I spent the last 4 years prior to 2019 having attacks and was told that this disease was super active at the time of diagnosis so could I really go a full year without a relapse? It took my focus away from trying to get over the obstacle to thinking about what that obstacle could be. With MS, as we all know, that can be a scary obstacle if you stop to think about it and derailed me from my goals from time to time. Something that also hits me every so often is this simple truth: There will come a time in my life when I have been getting treatment for MS longer than I went without treatment for MS. Not only is this a life long disease that currently has no cure, but I was diagnosed at 25. Lets say I hit the normal life expectancy of a person in the US (78) that means I will have had MS for over 50 years! This isn't something I can get treatment for, rehab for a few years, and be good. This is for the rest of my life. Those truths were hard to swallow in 2019.
The competitor in me thinks about those things for a short time and then refocuses on ways to prepare and get over that obstacle. One of my life motos if you will is, "I refuse to let MS dictate the things I can do in life" and I took a huge step towards living out that goal in 2019. If you haven't heard I will briefly explain my plans for 2020. I have gotten connected with an organization called Bike The US For MS who puts on bike rides across the country to help raise funds and awareness for MS. I have committed to doing the pacific coast ride which will take me from Seattle all the way to San Diego on my bike! It will take me the whole month of August but I am absolutely pumped to take this on! If you are interested in partnering with me you can reach out to me on Facebook or email (matt.dowie2@gmail.com) and we can chat about how you can partner with me!
I am sure you are about to ask my what I learned in 2019 so let me answer! I learned that life is unpredictable at best. That life throws you punches and you have to be resilient to be able to pull yourself off the mat. I learned that my family is resilient. We spent 2018 dealing with the darkness of an MS diagnosis and the amazing light of a new born. I expected 2019 to be a lot of the same except that amazing light of a new born was going to turn into a clone of me as a child(which is like the Tasmanian devil from space jam, cute and lovable and has the sweetest heart but has no fear as he destroys the house) but it wasn't. I had no visits to the doctor outside of the normal checkins and treatment. The darkness of MS didn't really show up like I thought it would but life threw at us a child being taken to the ER the night before thanksgiving(he is good, had a skyrocketed heart rate) and the other child needing tubes in both his ears and countless other doctor visits for sick kiddos. But I don't think that is all to different from those reading this article. Life is absolutely crazy and all that you can plan for is that you can't plan for anything. You have to learn to take the punches and come back stronger than ever. That stronger than ever could include the loved ones around you helping lift you up with care packages for the 13 times in a year where you can't avoid feeling different than most everyone else. Or maybe it looks like making freezer food for someone going through a hard time. Or maybe it looks like allowing yourself to cry on the shoulder of your spouse or best friend because you just can't right now. The important thing isn't that life knocked you down, you can't escape that, the important thing is that you get back up. As you think back to 2019 and look ahead to 2020 remember this: no matter what knocks you down life IS ALWAYS worth getting back up for.
Take Heart
John 16 : 33