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My Journey with MS

My diagnoses and path to spiritual peace

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  • Writer's pictureMatt Dowie

Invisible Disease

I have run into a fair amount of people from my hometown in the recent weeks. Some were fun chance meetings at a mall and others were because of unfortunate life events. No matter the reason it has been really uplifting seeing these people and getting a chance to talk with them. There are times when I feel discouraged and that I am fighting this on my own and there are times like my chance meetings that I realize I am far from truly fighting this alone. I have an amazing wife, great family, and great friends that are there for me even when I don't see it first hand and I wouldn't be able to do all this without that support and prayer from all of you. Thank you so much for everything. It means more to me than any of you will understand!


Despite all the support and prayers I do still get a cold every now and again, and boy have I been sick lately. It is terrible when a parent is sick period. It is downright miserable when both parents and both kids are all sick at the same time. The last week has been filled with a lot of snot and very little sleep. I think I may have spent more time sleeping with a kid coughing all over me then I have spent in my own bed. That is no fun! I think what is interesting about all of this is to see how it effects my MS symptoms.


The doctors warned me about a few situations that could bring out MS symptoms. One was an event that brings a lot of emotion, such as the birth of a child, and another was getting sick. I found it very interesting but have now experienced both of them. I was just over a month into my diagnosis when my son, Carter, was born and I got to experience some issues with my vision. Luckily it wasn't too bad and at that point in my journey I was used to much worse vision issues than what I dealt with in the hospital. I have now experienced sickness effecting my vision once again.


I am very lucky to have the minor symptoms that I currently have. I will take some vision issues here and there over some other things that could be effected. But with that said, vision issues are make life hard! MS is referred to as the invisible disease because a lot of symptoms aren't things people can see. If someone ran into me at the mall or out in public you wouldn't know that I had MS. You wouldn't know that I sometimes, especially while sick, can't see the finer details of your face until you are close to me. You wouldn't know that my color vision is not near as sharp as it used to be. I now know the feeling when my college teammate Nick can't see certain color cones on the practice field. I now know the struggles my life long friend Blaine goes through on a daily basis. I bet he only has certain marker colors in his classroom. :)


Having an "invisible" disease is challenging at times because people just don't know what you are dealing with so it can be humbling at times but God has really spoken to me through all of this. My eyes have been opened to others who have ailments or invisible diseases or conditions that others don't know about. I walk past someone that may be walking at a slower pace than you would expect for the age of that person. Or I drive past someone panhandling on the side of the road. I have always had a heart for the homeless and the less fortunate but I don't think I would have stopped my train of thought or stopped what I was doing and think about these people. Try and "walk a mile" in their shoes and think about what I would do if I were in their situation. Having an invisible disease I feel more connected to some of the people I walk past on a daily basis. I find myself praying for them more often. Praying they find God's face and God's love and blessings if they haven't already.


I have said from the beginning that I truly believe God has something planned for me to use my disease to expand His Kingdom. I have yet to figure out what that is but I do believe I have a connection with those that may need Jesus more than I did before. I would always think about my "story" and wonder how I could impact someone going through a rough patch to come to Jesus. "You are this white kid that really hasn't had to worry about anything in your life. Things wouldn't be the same if you went through the life I am going through." That is a hypothetical conversation I have but I had it a lot growing up. Why would anyone hear my story and jump on board? My story is now completely different. I have gone through something. It may not be as bad as what others have gone through but I am no longer that white kid who has never had to worry about anything. I think, and hope, my story has a little more weight than it used to and because of that I feel God has opened my eyes to others with invisible diseases.


With that said, I ask you. What are your thoughts when you pass a homeless person panhandling? What about that guy with greasy hair and dirty clothes? That lady that is walking super slow? Do you just walk by like that person isn't there? Do you acknowledge them at all? Do you question how someone can let themselves get to that point in life? Or do you try to put yourself in their shoes? Do you ask God what struggles they have gone through or are going through? Maybe pray for them? One quote that I think about a lot seems to fit pretty well here. "You may be the only Jesus someone ever meets." Are you the real Jesus that healed leapers and spent time with sinners? I pray that you are a good representation of Jesus and think about those invisible diseases that people may be going through before you make any judgments on them.


Take Heart. John 16:33

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