I recently had the amazing opportunity to spend a weekend at Lake of the Ozarks with my wife for our 5 year anniversary. It is a five hour drive one way down to the lake so it gave us plenty of time to chat about the highs and the lows we have experienced in our lives. When I replay our relationship back in my head, from meeting for the first time in Mexico to driving to the Ozarks for the first real time away from a kid in four years, I almost can't believe the story line.
We have had incredible highs of serving together in Mexico doing things we absolutely love, to having two beautiful kids, to buying our first house together. To crazy lows of adjusting to a life away from the mission field that we wholeheartedly thought we would find ourselves in shortly after marriage, to having to spend a few months in two separate cities several hours apart, to medical diagnoses and the seemingly never ending doctors appointments, needle pricks, and the not so quiet voice in your head wondering about what the future holds. The time together in the car and sitting together fishing has reaffirmed things and brought forth more questions.
The thing that was once again reaffirmed over the weekend was that I married my absolute ride or die! I can't begin to image what the last year of my life would be like if she was not in my life. It hasn't always been easy for us the last year but her love and support for me has never wavered. You say, "for sickness and health" in your vows but people don't typically get thrown into a situation where they have to live out those words less than 4 years into the marriage. She was and she has been my rock from day one! She is thoughtful and mindful of the physical challenges I face on a daily basis which makes my life a little bit easier every single day. But I think the biggest thing she has done for me is continue to challenge me and push. She doesn't allow me to settle or make excuses. There have been several occasions where I will make a comment about not being able to achieve something due to MS and she will quickly respond with something like, "why can't you do that? Why does MS have to stop you from doing that?" She is also there to support me in the times of weakness. The times when I mentally can't take another doctors appointment. And she is there to celebrate the achievements, such as completing my first 5k since my diagnosis, as if she achieved it herself.
I believe there is a saying that goes something like, behind every strong man is an even stronger woman. I am not claiming to be a strong man there is no question that I have an incredibly strong woman pushing me, lifting me up, and celebrating my success like they are her own. I encourage every single one of you to identify who your ride or die is and thank them for everything they do for you because I have quickly figured out in the last year that I can't do this alone. I have also found out in the last 5 years and especially the last year that I won't ever have to.
With answers comes questions. Luckily the questions that I have been pondering recently have nothing to do with what I mentioned above. :) I have spent the last few months pondering the question of, what is MS's role in my life and what is my role in the world of MS. I think it actually is a little more specific than that at this point and it goes back to a moment I had during the MS Moments Stomp Out MS 5k. As I was jamming out to music and trying to figure out how hard to run in the "fun run" (there wasn't really a question about how hard I was going to run) I started to take note of other people at the event. I have met several people in the MS Moments community who have MS and I noticed most of them weren't participating in the run. Some people don't do 5ks, no matter if you have MS or not, but others weren't able to run the race due to their symptoms and the effects of MS.
Long story short, for the most part, the people who were running the race weren't those effected by MS. Couple that with my long standing belief that I am the black sheep of the MS community and have been told in a very nice and loving way that I am the "problem child" at MS Moments I started to think. If you were to close your eyes and picture someone with MS would you picture me? Would you picture a 27 year old male who, one year from his diagnosis and most debilitating attack ran a 5k in 25 minutes? I am guessing the answer to that is no.
I am starting to understand that I am a different face for MS. I and a male friend who also has MS joke that we have a chicks disease. If I had to guess most people would picture someone with limited mobility. There is nothing wrong with that picture in your head other than the fact that it isn't me and I have started to embrace that fact. After that 5k race I spoke with my wife and essentially told her that I want to be a new and hopefully inspiring face of MS. I want to show people that with the right medicine, constant exercise where you are pushing your body to the limits, and definitely not least God, that image if someone with MS can be totally shattered. I want to run every race and bike in every event, giving my all, for those with MS that can't. I want to "fight" for those who can't fight. How powerful mentally would it be if someone with MS is a physical presence in all these events? I want to be that person!
I think there are still a lot of questions about how this all looks due to the fact that I have a young family that I want to spend as must time with as possible. But at the same time I want to make my kids proud. I want my kids to grow up knowing their dad attacked every obstacle in his life and have the courage to take on their own obstacles no matter how high and insurmountable they may seem. And I want every one in the MS community to know that someone else with MS is fighting for them. Is attacking every run or walk or bike ride in their honor to hopefully help bring a cure to this world.
It seems like I have been searching for my purpose in life for quite some time, and I think I will also be adjusting and changing to what God may have for me. But I feel like I am starting to get a little glimpse into what my role in the MS community in Central Iowa is and I am incredibly excited about it!
It is now time to turn the tables on you. What are you passionate about? What are you doing to make your loved ones proud of you? What are your dreams and are you living those? Why or why not? There is something fulfilling finding that why and going after it with all you have!
Take heart - John 16 : 33
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