The end of a year and the start of a new one causes a lot of people to look back at the previous year and analyze the year. What did I do really well? What didn't go so well? How can I be better prepared for life in this new year? I managed to go to the gym for the first 2 weeks of the previous year, can I make it 3 this year?
I have never been a big analyzer. I am a "go with the flow" kind of guy. When something happens my mindset is, "nothing I can do about it now so might as well move forward and continue on. Looking back and figuring out how that happened and if we could have prevented it doesn't change the real life outcome." Due to that I don't usually look back at the previous year and think about how things could be different but this year is different. But not only did I look back at 2018 but I looked back at my whole life. Not to figure out how I could have made things differently but to see what events shaped me into the man who responded the way he did when I was hit with a roller-coaster year.
It is really interesting to see the foreshadowing that happens in someones life. I have be able to get a great picture of how God is in control of everything. How he knows the plans he has for me before I am even born. Case in point. There is a news article that my mom(Mary DeVries Dowie) shared several months back about a readathon she was participating in and promoting when she was in grade school. You want to know what they were raising money for? The Nation MS Society. If you want a story about how God is in control from day one and even before day one you don't have to look any further. My mom, unknowingly, was promoting an event that raised money for an organization that would go on to play an incredibly large role in my life. That story still blows me away when I think about it but it doesn't surprise me to be honest. It just re enforces what the Bible has been telling us all along.
Another thing that I always think back to is my story, my testimony if you will. I have shared some of that story before and have mentioned how it was a ho-hum, nothing to see here story. But what I have found out over the last year of pondering and looking back is that God was preparing me for April 6, 2018 the whole time. I didn't experience a lot of pain, loss, and suffering, but I saw a lot of people that did. I had the amazing opportunities to go to the inner cities of Denver and Atlanta, to Haiti 6 months after the 2010 earthquake, to a literal trash dump community in Tijuana where you could look across the border and see the riches of San Diego, to the impoverished favelas of Rio De Janeiro. I have had friends and loved ones that have lost family and seen the hurt and brokenness. One of the things that I always thought to myself and once mentioned to Lauren, "I wish I had a different story". Not because I was the one that was hurting but because I was the one that wasn't. I have a very compassionate heart that wants to help and connect with people. If you cry, I am probably crying as well. I feel your pain. I would think to myself, "I wish that would happen to me so that I know what they have been through and can connect with them." I think it was partly Satan telling me lies but I never thought I could connect with these people because they would look at my story and say, "why would I take advice from you? You have absolutely nothing to complain about."
One of my favorite TV segments ever was the 'My Wish' stories on ESPN during the summers. If you don't know what My Wish is, it is usually terminally ill kids that get a wish of theirs, such as hanging out with their favorite sports figure, granted for a day. You get a back story about these kids and it was always so inspirational because they were so upbeat and positive about life. I would seriously consider what my response would be if I was in their shoes. How would I respond if I was terminally ill? I truly believe that God put those thoughts in my head for a reason. He knew that I would need to tap into those thoughts as I go through a tough diagnosis. He was guiding my thoughts as I grew and matured, well somewhat matured.
I could go on and on about my past but I will spare you the stories. As I look back at 2018 I think about all the things that I have learned, all the things God has taught me and shown me. I have learned so much about myself. You can think and practice responding to certain situations but until you are in a situation where you could either respond positively or respond negatively you don't know how you will respond. I feel like I have responded to everything in a fairly positive light but I also feel like I have spent my whole life preparing for it. I felt prepared and ready for the moment when the doctor gave my the news that Friday evening. I have learned just how prevalent God has been in my life and in the lives of the loved ones around me. I have learned to enjoy the small things in life. Enjoy my kids and the milestones they hit as they grow up. I have learned to enjoy the moments I have with just my wife and I, no matter how few and far between they are. I have found out how blessed and fortunate I am. I have an amzing wife, an amazing family, a loving and supportive circle of friends. My family is blessed by an amazing non profit called MS Moments. I got connected with a men's Bible study that has amazing guys in it that challenge me every day to be better. It is incredible how blessed I am.
As I look back on 2018 all I see are blessings. Yes, I was diagnosed with MS in 2018 but through it I have been blessed beyond words and for that I am forever grateful. As I look back on my life all I see is God and how he guided me and others in my life to get me to where I am today. He knows what he is doing. So I challenge you as you ponder whether you should still go to the gym or not, to think about your life. Think about where you are now and what got you there. See if you can find where God has influenced things in your life. I think you will be surprised to see how present He was in the things that got you where you are today.